"all adventurous women do"

I feel like I have been too set in a certain routine, a way of life that is too predictable, subconsciously contributing to my deep, creeping sadness. Not to say that I have suddenly had an epiphany for why I was sad, I am not sad, I like to think that I am experiencing what all grown ups are, universally. Its a non-feeling that after many many ways of being confused at what to feel during our teenage years, we learn to shut out said feelings and just be "matured" aka, feel nothing. I must also it has been too long since I have genuinely felt excited for something in my life. To loosely quote something I recently saw/heard in a random movie trailer, I can finally put that feeling down in words: the feeling after your high school graduation that you will soon be going away for college, the excitement to have a chance to reinvent yourself and start afresh at a brand new environment. yeah that, how long ago did I last have that feeling? probably pre-college.

2013 Self Photography.

My heart/mind/soul needs a rehab. Don't worry oppa, I will stay away. 

My roommate has a mini photography studio set up for her assignment so I made good use of it. Make up by the roommate.

my baby.

"Wish you could take me away
Pretend that I am your baby"

in my head, you're already my sayang.

Oppa.

I feel like an inflated balloon filled with joy and love and I feel like I want to just fly away but I know if I flew to high the pressure up in the air is going to pop me.

I wrote more on the other blog. Please make me feel real again, oppa. 

pulsee baby pulse

i dont feel alive.

too much pretense of maturity and rationality.
i dont feel alive.

..
.....
..........

i need to feel alive.

..


im sinking into a state of depression.

DECORATE.

my favorite song from last last year. i used to listen this at least 20 times a day, on loop. omg such a good song, i dont feel the heartbreak as strongly as i first heard it in 2010, the memories are pretty faded and i have so much more better things to worry about now anyway, but i still cringe a little because its such a sad sad song.
















FAVORITES:


not just because shes obviously chinese malaysian, but this is very beautiful. i love how she says that Yuna calms her down, because SPM is near. haha so comel.



2 white girls, one piano and soothing harmonies.


her voice is too mainstream pop for this song but somehow it works with the new arrangement. it almost can be a power balad lol. and i love korean americans. AHAHAHAHA or i think they are korean americans, i've seen enough to identify them.. i thinkkkk xD



i dont know why i included their races in my description, this election day thing is getting to me..

#what

http://hashtag-coolstorybro.blogspot.com/



dont ask me why do i have so many blogs. I LIKE LA DIU.

EMO 2012.

sometimes in life we do dumb things, and right now, i am rethinking the dumb things i've done. i know they say the mistakes you did yesterday shaped the person you are today. its been 2 years, no, its been almost 3 years now. heard the house mate talking on the phone with her ji mui one day and she said something that sounds very very familiar, 'i dont miss him, because i dont love him anymore, but i miss the person i was when i was with him'. i like myself alot, the person i am now. 1 year in architecture school made me realize that i can do anything, literally. the things i can never picture myself doing, i can do now. thus, i have no fear for anything (maybe except being raped and killed) and i am very very prideful. reading my prof write on my grading sheet : 'you made me believe once again there are some people who are born to do this, real architecture'. when i got the grading sheet back i couldn't believe it, i at least read it for 10 times that day. and i cried. i cried because i know now what i am capable of when i put my mind to it, i know now theres no limits to my sky, i know because i am stronger. but there is a missing piece. i found myself stalking again (thanks to facebook timeline-- the real stalking device), i pulled the timeline down to 2009, there is only 1 status you posted :  EMO. that 3 letter word look so blunt and blatant now, now that i've announced myself as a person who look down on people who post emotional facebook status. but i know why, and i dont remember if you status then made any impact on me back then, but it definitely does now. every day i think whether you know i am very sorry for what i did, eventhough you told me over and over again you dont care anymore. 

下一个他,赶快出现吧.

if you feel what i think you feel about me, dont wait around anymore! 

goodbyes are harder when you have something to stay for.

but i don't. never had.

世界是我的家.

是潇洒还是可悲?

Tonight I am free.

I am relieved. I am free now. Free of you and your apparent charm I was so drawn to. You said I haven't changed one bit, but I know I have changed too much, and I am so proud to say I no longer care if you don't have the time and to discover and understand my changes. Seeing you after 2 years is nice, talking about the things we've missed in each others lives, it was like old friends catching up. There were some awkward moments here and there and we knew that they were unavoidable, our slight pauses and effort to make conversations were awkward, but cute.

"Just the two of us, ok with ya?"

"Weren't you the one who was scared before?"

"Concerned, not scared, that you might succumb to my charms again"

"It's gonna be all awkward like last time, crab?"

"Crab is not replying me yet"

"We should just go alone"

"I'll pick you up"

(conversation abbreviated and edited of unattractive Malaysian text-lingo)

My favorite moment tonight :

You asking : "When did we stop talking this much, was it when I left for college?"

HAHA, it doesn't matter so much anymore, because we can never be best friends, but we won't be strangers.

;)

The Game of the Decade.

Lee Chong Wei didn't lose, he just didn't win. He has brought more Malaysians together than any other politicians did in this entire year. Lee Chong Wei is an inspiration, a symbol of strength and persistence. Malaysians need Lee Chong Wei, he has taught us all lessons more valuable than our education system or the society would ever teach us, but those lessons are up to us to pick up, study and celebrate. Lee Chong Wei is a man of promises, he brought Malaysia pride, he brought us all pride and unity, as Malaysians, not as racial groups we have so conveniently and ignorantly categorized ourselves in all these years. Support is to be able to tell Dato that we love and respect him, cherish and treasure all the glorious moments he has brought to this land, support is being able to tell him that we will always be proud of him, and we are forever grateful to his sweat, tears and blood shed to introduce our humble land to the world. Dato Lee Chong Wei, thank you.

(some sentences are selections of awesome statuses from my facebook news feed)

My disappointment for the loss has cocooned into respect for DLCW and pride as a Malaysian.

I kept thinking while watching the game, after both their badminton careers have ended, DLCW and LD would be great friends, I look forward to that.

p/s: I have a new blog.

p/p/s: I relaunched my old high school blog for anybody who needs historical references to our high school years, however truthfulness to the recorded events is not guaranteed. ha wtf.

asian ties.

so sick of family politics.

i took 5 years of tuition money to go to a VERY GOOD ARCHITECTURE SCHOOL. and i will graduate to become a VERY SUCCESSFUL ARCHITECT and i will earn so much more and give it all back.

i know i never had to try to be better than them, but this time round, I REALLY WANT THAT SCHOLARSHIP JUST TO SHUT THEM ALL UP.

thank you for making me a stronger person,
MY SUPER ASIAN EXTENDED FAMILY.


LOVE,
your baby niece/cousin.

EUROPE NEXT SUMMMMMMERRRR!

i should really blog more.

live young, live life, go to places, see things, meet people, fall in love.

thats why, i've decided, IM GOING TO SAVE UP TO GO TO EUROPE NEXT SUMMER!!!!!

wayfarers, skinny jeans, flip flops, sketchbook, camera. HELL YES I AM GOING TO BE A HIPSTER IN EUROPE!

HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. RECAPPPP

inspired by http://divine-crazenne.blogspot.com/, i decided to do a recap of all the shitty things i've been thru.. okay maybe not all the shitty things but just things i remember after all these while, just the things that might have scarred me (sounds gay i know, but you know what i mean, gotta be a lil sensitive for these shit) just a lil snippet but if i feel like it after im done i'll do a longer one being all sentimental, but not now.

form 1

• biggest fight ever with bestie lau xia toong over a pair of converse sneakers and a bitchslap. WORST FEELING EVER, NEVER EVER FIGHT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
• got caught for bringing my cellphone to school, found out who the bastard who told on me was, poured 1 liter of water into his bookbag, drenching his geografi nota (hey it was a big deal! our geografi nota was like a frickin holy scripture and our geografi teacher was a big bad bitch who would pinch your nips if you didnt have your nota in class), but that bastard never found out haha.
• stood up for myself in front of a Bahasa Cina teacher (fucking perv!) because he called me lazy and arrogant and threatened not to grade my paper

form 2

• fought with me guy bestie lum man houw (i forgot what the fight was about), i threw his bookbag down the block when it was unzipped and his koko card got lost on the fall down (lose koko card = no koko marks)
• got thrown out of a class for being noisy with jessica and munsee (GOD WE WERE FUCKING BADASS! we just strode out of class WITH PRIDE YO!)
• (this part must be in upper case to impose epicness) LUM MAN HOUW AND YAP YINYIN KISSED IN CLASS AFTER ACCEPTING A CHALLENGE WE PUT UP FOR FUN!!!!

form 3

• been confessed to for the first time in my life? i guess its pretty memorable..
• discovered the beauty of choyweihan and got my heart broken and never got over it (sad story, but true, i still find choyweihan a beautiful creature and i would still fall for him again if he wouldnt have been a bitch breaking my heart over and over again LOL im surpirsed how i can joke about this shit)

form 4

• genevieve low huai yi my best friend since standard one moved to kl (she made me a super nice birthday card after she left and i cried in class reading it, it was CRAAZY because my tearing just decided to sashay down my hot cheeks when i got to the line "我知道你现在应该在哭了吧" LOLWTFBBQ)
• editor in chief for the school year book (i still think the layout and design in AMEHZING, thank you leong! im proud to say we're both budding architects now)
• choir's downfall and inter-school choir drama. eh, i dont like them till now. yes i am that narrow minded. but good thing we won the title back after a year. I FUCKING CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. damn i was scarred.

form 5

• IU night... one of the biggest rebellion i've led. we were banned from the school from organizing our signature event International Understanding Night (its a cool thing interactors do, our school started the trend of having expensive no-point school dance nights, everything after are just copycats) so basically, i was IU director but the school board decided that they were going to ban IU because kids are rumored to be EXTRA notorious on previous IU nights (our school kids have this rep of being wild and we do our best to live up to our rep LOL).. SOOOO.... I THOUGHT... FUCK THIS SHIT AND I LED A REBELLION AND ORGANIZED IT ANYWAYS. we had to raise so much money because the school wont let us take out money from our account (yes we were cool enough to have a club account and there was rm8000 in it) IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN! especially because the teachers didnt wanna come! somebody spunked the punch (sounds like an american teen flick but it actually happened) so everybody got a little bit tipsy towards the end when keegan's band played and caprice came. (yes we got caprice to come perform YES I KNOW ITS AWESOME)
• relationship -- the usual stuff... it was all really memorable. the stolen moments in school sounds really disgusting when i try to put them down in words so im just gonna skip that haha.

color 2012.

spring semester, first year architecture:

14 weeks, 3 projects : 1 down, 2 more to go!

SUMMER !! MALAYSIA!!!

HB2ME

I can't lie and say Im not expecting anything for my birthday, cos I am, but I know I shouldn't. Because people here aren't lmh or lxt or IMG. I can't expect anything from them and I am definitely not used to having to plan something for my own birthday, I've never done it. When I was young my parents planned birthday parties and made me feel special, when I hit my teens I was lucky enough to have a whole bunch of supportive and loving buddies that would surprise me with cakes and celebrated my birthday. My 18th birthday was really sweet cos my bestie LUM MAN HOUW planned a little get together with all of my friends and ex bf (very awkward haha) and brought a cake to my house and we just sat and talked until past midnight. It was so warm and cute and I felt so much love. 19th birthday, INTI gang, celebrated my birthday for almost one whole week, from the planned out surprise scene to the fancy dinner prank to the midvalley outing with the fake blow-off by my bestest bestie LXT .. It almost got a little bit tiring of thanking them for all the nice things they did for my birthday. But, I don't have any of those awesome people with me this year. And they still make efforts to cheer me up, sze woke me up with a very sweet talk box recording of her singing a bilingual birthday song to me, and the IMG buddies changing their profile pic to one of my pictures, which is a thing we do that has a funny history. And awesome kor kor whatsapped me and told me he missed me and CNY would be different without me around. Sweeeet. my papa and mama for face timing me. Wow I am blessed and I think I shouldn't be asking for any more. I have loving friends and family, that's really all I need for now (although it'll be great if I had a bf too, but whatever I would wish for more As than that if I was given a wish)

One thing bothered me though-- ex lovers should write longer birthday messages with warmer content and more hopes/wishes ahahahahhahaha a

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ;)

make it workkkk

first studio assignment -- color analysis of a painting.

first sub assignment -- color collage -- composition of color strips from old magazines.

progress: ZERO.

reminder to self -- your first assignment last sem went well, the design concept was so good but the craftmanship brought it down. you got your inspiration from the ceiling patterns of mtcc, LOOK AROUND, theres colors everywhere, you'll think of something. and theres an artist inside of you eventhough the hella artsy white people (geh) around you make you shy of showing that. MAKE IT WORRRRKKKK EVELYN WONG JING JIE.

Wtf

A freaking C ? What the fuck is wrong with her. I lost all my exam mojo during SPM. EVERY SINGLE FINAL GRADE SINCE THEN HAS BEEN LETTING ME DOWN. FML.

I can't feel shit,

I am stronger than yesterday, yes it may seem like I am one hella of a childish person for removing him from my friend list, but I do feel empowered after doing so. But whenever the thought of me being a more independent girl come into mind, I start to think that I've become a heartless person. A big part of me wants to blame him for training me into this person that can walk away from all emotionally influential shit, to be chilled about everything, to not care so much. But maybe it's me, I'm just losing hope with love, I want to blame him, but I know it's not his fault. It's all me. Maybe it has always been me. I can't feel for anyone else anymore. What I hate about you, is that you never show enough effort. And Im proud to say that I can say no now. I know what's best for me in the long run, and that is to stay away. You destroyed my ability to feel but you can't destroy my ability to choose for myself, and I choose for you stop messing with my heart. Now, run along.

emma!

pixie cuts are so prettyyyyy.

i secretly wish that i could pull the pixie cut off. but that would mean i need a ULTRA SKINNY FACE & BODY. so its not happening.

and, its not very secret anymore. hah.