post toefl rambles.

FUCK?

LOL this is the most distasteful feeling ever. and fml because of the bastard im harboring it for.

i think toefl kinda sucked for me. the reading section passages were so much harder than the ones i did for practice. and listening was okay, very boring, i drift off quite some times lol and i blanked out when i regain my focus lol. and not to mention my bladder was bursting when i was doing the listening section. so i was praying for each question to be easy and brief, but they all werent what i hope they were lol. and for speaking, im suffering from this crazy cough, you know, the kind where your phlegm is kinda green and cloudy and very disgusting lol. okay too much info perhaps. so i was speaking in this kinda husky and coughy voice, alot softer than my usual voice, i guess i was also abit self conscious about my speaking.. i didnt get to talk about the stuff they asked for, for a few questions and i was like.. SHIT at the end after the ending beep, and that bratty looking guy next to me looked at me. lol. writing was okay, kinda easy la, if you've been in dr lim's class it wouldnt be too hard. any tips for test takers? ERM, i dunno, stay focus? because i drifted off so many times. lol it was soo hard to concentrate because it was sooo quiet during reading and listening and then when some people start speaking before i did, i kinda got distracted by the monotonous mumbling sounds. it wasnt like i was tryna eavesdrop on their speaking answers, i was like distracted by them. i think i did kinda poorly, but i hope its results wont be too bad, at least a 95? fingers crossed.

okay, im really starting to hate pda. srsly, get a room. heck and this is from being single for too long.

heading back to inti tmr, and fml because i cant find my touch&go card. for almost a couple of months i didnt get to use it, except for beeping it for the toll fees during clubbing trips, i didnt get to go to kl because i was so busy with school and club duties, and thus i havent been using my card for such a long time. and now when im finally getting to use it for ktm tmr morning, i cant frickin find it. must've simply tucked it in somwhere, in some compartment, in some bag... or maybe i left it in my inti drawer. ARRGH.

actually,

i think english is really important and everyone should learn it well, especially when we're so lucky to have these education systems where we get fully/partially english conducted courses. think about it, you can be a chinese and not know how to speak chinese and people will think its okay, some people even idolize bananas/abcs. but if you dont speak english, no matter your race, people will just go.. HMM. but to me grammar is far more important than vocab. grammar is something you acquire through constant exposure of good literature, you dont learn grammar by just taking classes, its different. its like, speaking in the correct tone of voice, according to emotion.. you dont learn the skill from books, or classes.. you naturally acquire it through constant listening and watching people converse in daily life. and yeah, i think i made my point.

no dont get me wrong, i am a proud chinese-ed. although my chinese is cacat in alotta ways.

pre toefl rambles.

stop and eraseeee. cause im gonna wipe that smile off your knowitall face yeaaah.

15 more hours to my toefl!

watch more american shows. yes that'll do. LOL.

imaginary letter from me to you.

esther lau inspired me to do this. its stupid, but comforting.

the title says imaginary, because i will NEVER say these things to you. never. never,

NEVER.

dear you,

its been approxly 4 months since we last saw each other. i miss you, i miss your witty jokes, i miss trying so hard to hear to talk because you always talk so softly, i miss looking upwards to see your chinky eyes looking at me, i miss you bragging to me about how popular you are with girls in college, i miss you telling me you miss me too. i wanna show you how i act when im not with you. because the evelyn everyone else except you knows is alot different than the one you know. i am strong, i am a leader, and i am pretty much a big bitch. but you never knew that side of me.because i am a little girl when im with you. no, that evelyn you come to be familiar with is the evelyn in love. i talk in this high pitched, cute voice. and i dont do crazy things like i always do. i stop saying the f word. and i always let you win, let you take the pride, because you have a macho ego. if i wasnt in love with you, i would hate you. i hate men with ego. but its so sexy when it comes to you. i am happy to let you win. i would start an argument just to let you win in the end. sometimes, i wonder if its because we no longer have anything to talk about. we have nothing in common. i dont know about your current life and you dont know about mine. i wanna tell you everything, but i never know where to start, and im not sure you're even interested at all. i tell you lotsa things, but you would forget. i mean, of course you would forget, who am i to you, why should you keep track of my life. i wanna know about yours, but you never tell. when i ask you how are you doing, you always tell me the same old thing. you're studying real hard, and you've got a new fan. i like to think that you're telling me to make a point that even if i dont like you anymore, theres a lotta other girls who like you, and i like the feel that you're trying to feel left out just because i dont like you anymore. but i am a rational girl. i am not that delusional freak that was very much in love with you. i dont cry for boys anymore. i dont get crazy when you dont reply. i dont send freaky late night "i cant live without you" texts anymore. so, "demeaning" is not the word to describe me anymore. i wanna put the blame on you. you're the reason i shut myself up. you trained me hard. and now i dont think i can ever muster the courage to tell anyone i liked him, whoever that may be. maybe it was the silent treatment all these time, maybe you were too nice in saying no, or maybe i was too persistent. i dont know, but i cant feel that desire i had for you for anyone else anymore.

i dont want you. but i want you.

i want you. but i dont want you.

i am secretly happy that you never got together with her, or any other girls thats a part of your new life.

but i would really like to see you in a relationship.

august 2007. forgive and forget.

march 2009. the last time i told you i liked you.

FORGET. FORGET. FORGET.

random rambles. of kk, chinatowns, and clubbing.

its 1.41am and the whole family is wide awake at our pj house. just got back from kota kinabalu.

loved every bit of the trip. especially the part where all of us are together. its been awhile since we had a real wong family trip. and besides kk has all these cheaap seafood. haven for seafood junkies like muaa. and kk is a really nice town. gaya street in the day reminds me of rodeo drive (minus the luxury goods outlets tho), at night it feels like bangkok (chatuchak! woohoo my favorite place! minus the humongous market place and the ahkuas) but its all good. i likee kk.

i have never blogged about this before. but my family knows my dream town to stay is san francisco! i dont know whyy but i was instantly crazy in love with everything i saw there when we were there last year. i love the fact that everyone had dogs, and people still go to the beach during winter. i love the hilly roads (refer to princess diaries for a better picture lol). i love the chinatown with that little chinese bakery which claims clinton was there to buy bread before (they had pictures LOOL).

leading to chinatown. did i ever blogged about how much i love chinatowns? i love the fact that you start to see asian faces everywhere when you're in a white/black dominant city. i love that people in shops automatically speaks cantonese to you. and i love wontons.

my favorite chinatown that i've visited is the newyork's. its sooo huge. and i like the one in chicago too. its not too big, but knowing the fact that chicago has a chinatown is comforting, it has everything i need to cook curry, or tomyam, or ku lou yuk. and chicago's chinatown is right down a tube station. if i get into IIT, chinatown will only be a tube ride away! dayumms.

oh yeah, i am still thinking whether i wanna live a kampung life or a city life for the next 5 years.

kampung life - i can buy my own car! and stay in big town houses! and i can drive to places! roadtrips even! cheap everything, outlet malls! i love outlet malls omgomgomg. not to mention target! but not much to do.

city life - i cant buy anything because food and accomodation and transport will be so damn expensive. but i think i can save a little by staying in some cheap loft somewhere a little out of the city, and i can go wait tables during the weekends to earn some shopping funds. and if i get into IIT... ... ... MAGNIFICENT MILE! OMG.

.. ..

anyways.

my parents found out i went clubbing. o.O

so it was around 12am and my mum was hungry so my bro drove to murni. murni is this crazy crowded mamak in ss2. and he was talking to himself saying its thursday and its ladies night so he thinks the mamak will be veryy crowded..

and my mom was confused so she asked why would mamak stalls have ladies night. (hahaha, so funny right.)

and i terlanjur and told her its not the mamaks, its the clubs that have ladies night..

BAMMM.

cb brother was like : "mei mei, how you know, you got go clubbing before leh."

dad : " mei, you got go before meh."

me : " .. .. .. "

bro : " mei you go which one der "

me : " ..bangsar.."

OHHHHH.

mom : " how you go o."

me : "inti people lor. aishh secret out jor."

mom : "very secret meh."

bro : " aiyah where got college kids never go clubbing one."

me : " heh."

..

...

....

okaay im out.

LASTWEEK

i just realized this is gonna be my last complete week in kuantan.

next week - sabah.

next next week - toefl and inti.

next next next week - jb.

and then its january!

OMG?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE LOONG?

somesomesome

its so hard to get out of the house. i wonder why people need to get out from their houses at all, we have everything at home. entertainment, comfort, food (well theres no good processed very unhealthy food at home, the kind of food i eat when im away at college, but home food is as good, its fresh, and home made, and very on time) my iphone arrived! woohooo. but the sim isnt working so im still waiting, filled it with lotsa lame games and music. the excitement went away in a day, so what an iphone, its a phone+ipod touch with a lotta memory space, what more is there to it? lol. but still, its a fricckin iphone. woohoo.

we're both back in ktn, so, whats next. nothing i suppose, its always like that. ;o

lame.com

my favorite disney character is tinkerbell. because shes cute, cheeky, smart, sometimes sexy, and very persistent. and yeah, she shakes off glittery pixie dust, awesome right!!

my favorite disney show is little mermaid. because its inspiring, its about chasing ones dreams. gah i sound cheesy. little mermaid has the nicest songs, second is mulan. ariel has nice hair, red-headed mermaids, thats something you dont get to see everyday. and, its realllyyyy nice.

look at these stuff, isnt it neat?

wouldnt you think my collections complete?

;D

LOL.

okay enough. this is lamee

eve's guide to life : after a breakup.

7 wise tips to be a happy person, after a breakup : (for girls)

1. always act macho. dont show your heartbreaks. dont show emo-ness. i know that boys our age are more attracted to emo girls because they feel some sort of an urge to protect them weak female earthlings, but to me, ITS REALLY GAY. DONT post emo, relationship-related statuses on facebook, because it only show how attention seeking you are. confused? heres the hitch, when a person posts emo statuses like "i miss him so much. i hope hes doing well.", everyone knows that you're aim of posting that is for HIM to see it and everyone else to go like "aww, thats so sadd D; "
2. always act like you dont wanna know. usually after breakups, your friends will try to tempt you into asking them hows your ex doing. DO NOT FALL INTO THAT TRAP. especially when you have no intentions to get back together. if you give in, and starts asking questions like "heyy have you guys seen him lately, how is he doing?" your friends will quickly (more like immediately) assume that you're not over him. and once you and your friends are apart, your friends will tell your other friends that you're not over him, and your other friends will tell someone else and it'll eventually get to HIM, and by then, alotta fake saucy info would be added to your line. example? (refer 4 lines up for the original line), your line with hotsauce, pepper, salt and sugar added "heyy i wonder hows he doing, i miss him so much and i think about him all the time and i reallly wanna get back together" SEE?! thats why, NEVER talk about him in front of your friends about him, even if you really wanna know hows he doing. theres always facebook right, go stalk!
3. always get busy. busy life = less time to think about the past = less time to think about him = will get to meet new people.
4. always think classy classy ladies do not dwell in the past. they move on. they find new enlightenments, new excitements. and classy ladies always take care of themselves, dress nicely, wear makeup, go shopping, go for a spa. spend more time with your girlfriends. DO NOT binge drink, binge eat, or go all anorexic, because its not classy. after the horrible hangover and the bloatedness or all the vomiting, you'll feel worse and LOOK worse for sure. pamper yourself, just because HE lost the rights to pamper you, you shouldnt stop yourself from feeling great about yourself.
5. always think ahead. never regret the past because it made you who you are today. dont hate him, just because you're no longer entitled to loving him. go one step lower than love, like him, as a friend and as a person that once was important in your life.
6. always think of yourself as a whole. he was never your other half. you are a person in whole, no one can one half of you away. that is, unless you gave up your other half. but remember, he didnt take it from you, you gave it to him. you're still the person you were, only better, because you've learnt from mistakes, stronger because you survived the heartbreak.
7. never become desperate. NEVER NEVER NEVER. ENOUGH SAID. REASON : ITS EFFING GAY. PERIOD.

disclaimer:

im not that experienced.

and this serves as a note to self as well.

and for boys :

girls hate emo guys. seriously, its annoying.

physics is pain.

how do i stay positive when i dont understand any of the questions. even if i do understand (it think) i cant get the answers.

but then. changing majors is not an option, think of your future mei. im gonna get through this yes i am! RAWRRR!

was randomly reading through the old blog, (have been doing it since yesterday, super nostalgic) and i realize that i am still going through that thing i have been trying to overcome since 2008. i am failure.

oh, why are you so irresistible.

i dont have a proper title for this.

i wanna get thru this pleaseeeeee.

when do you know you've completely moved on, when you no longer wait by the phone waiting for a certain text/call, when you no longer make up non-existent excuses for that person when you dont get their text/call, when you can smile about what happened in the past and when you can see them as though they are no special than any of the people around you.

erm. yeah.

finals are in a week. monday moral, wednesday religion, friday physics. and hopefully, D3 at night. ;D

if i get an A- for religion and a B for physics, i can only still manage to get a figure somewhat at 3.2-3.4 i so frickin sadddddd. screw first semester dumb ass results.

hang out with weihan and saiful this friday? yerr i really wanna goo. but i totally shouldnt. ;( ke yi qu ma? havent been seeing them for a very long time. go? not to go? go? no?

but we can always hang out once we're back in kuantan right, but it'll no fun, no excitement. but then we wont have to take public transport, and we can drive around town, and we can stay out til really late. but we've never hung out in the big city before, it'd be so much fun! argh. my mind tells me no but my heart totally wants to. ahhahhaha, this is like christina aguilera's "genie in a bottle" but less sexual haha. i dont need anybody to rub me the right way. HAHAHAH blush blush soo hamsap.

anyways, so much drama these few weeks. damn. pang binken is just seated right across, hes supposed to come and help out for our world religion presentation, but he decides to sit there, facebook (or he might be doing some other stuff that to him is more important than this project). so much for bad influence huh, he used to be nice. lol. it was like he was on drugs the other day. so damn lala omg.

okay i admit.

i have a major problem with time management.

jing. JIE.

everything is so damn blissful about being at home. what am i gonna do when i leave for the states? bro did it, so can i. for once in 3-4 years, all of us are here in malaysia together. 2005, jy spent a year in new zealand and came back forgetting how to speak in mandarin, that was epic. 2007 jw left for uk. then jy left for the states. its good to have all the jings in one country again. until next august when the youngest jing will spread her wings and work hard for her future in the country of libertyy. little jing is such a lucky girl.

anyways. kuantan is a small place. you go out one night and you meet so many people. you say something about someone and people and easily guess who you're talking about. i said "mr shell station" and tty immediately knew who he was LOL. anyways thats not me major concern. my major concern is our moral project, and my veryyy insufficient credit hours for transfer, and whether i should take SAT or not. dayummm.

i masih takut nak jumpa you lah.

however boyish i may appear,

i am still a girl inside.

and. you were the only one who remembered. but now you're gone.

im nobody's fool.

my first blood donation today. ;D

i feel like i have been overpowered. maybe im thinking too much. maybe im not. i understand its very easy for somebody to be used to the feeling of being in charge, i bet keegan had the exact feeling when i was tryna tell him what to do with interact last year. i know it now. the person might feel its for to the clubs' benefit, and most of the time they wont think that someone gets hurt in the meantime. talking about clubs' stuff over a cup of teh tarik and then tell everybody about it on the internet, honestly i feel disrespected. why am i not one of the few people who get to hear about it first hand? feeling overpowered. they used to come to me for advice, and then i voice out their probs and ask advice from the other b.o.d's.. now they tell someone else their thoughts and i get to know thru the internet? maybe im too lenient with stuff.

i need all the help. i seriously do. but i wanna get the respect i deserve too. when i ask them about it, they think im a crazy bitch.

when its time to let go, its time to let go.

what will you say if you see her again.

my heart is breaking.

this is the very first time it has ever break listening to someone else's story.

stay strong my friend. you will get through it. we will always be there when you need us, just a call away. goodbyes are always hard.

about my new life.

im a mess.

the fright dome was a success, insyallah. im like super happy. but i failed yet another calculus test, and i finally decided to drop the subject. so im emo. and then it balances up and im okay now.

about our clubbing trips.

i hate having to take care of drunk people. screw you people with bad drinking skills. so much drama last thursday. 7/22 from our gang drunk. blacklist lah pleaseee.

about the heart-to-heart talks i had with callie and grace just now.

it all happened when i saw the pics in grace's phone. so she told us everything. its all good, im jsut worried about her, because confessions leads to heartbreaks most of the time.

and i miss/dont miss being in a relationship. i dunno, confused.

spam yuna's "decorate" ;D

kelvin is leaving!

thus we drive to mist.

HEE HEE HEE.

i just got off the phone with mother the beloved. and she said "girl i saw your singing video on facebook worr, the malay song very nice horr." hahaha.

xD

and then i told ma about yuna. that she was a kuantan girl and blar..

hee hee hee.

my ma has the video of us singing DAO XIANG in her phone too, haha.

anyways.

i've got 2 tests coming up that i havent got the time to study for.

im out.

the f word.

the interactive play about gay boys coming out i watched today. i procrastinated on my physics revision for this. and it was okay-good. the actors are good, but the gay-related discussion went no where. seksualiti merdeka.

im.

fucking.

stressed out.

miss zaleha fucked my mind up.

what if i drop below 3.0?!

what if i fucking fail every single subject and none of any of the tier1/2 universities want me?

fuck.

anyways, i joined choir? man, i don know, at that moment i felt like i needed it. and i paid three bucks for impac's registration. i need the consistent dose of singing your heart out sessions. and its not that i dont go to the karaoke enough, we go every week! but its different, very different. singing without blaring background music makes me listen alot clearer. and i felt like my vocal control has dropped to zero. and it makes the world feel alot more real.

esther wulff.

gilbert and xt are not worthy to be blogged about.

xt changed her last name to wulff.

HAHAAHAHHA.

okay im done. kthxbai.

alone.

alone in a crowded study room, the feeling of alone-ness in a room full of people, is indescribable.

oh, bert is here. k not so lonely dy but still emo because i fucking failed my calculus test one. i dont know what to do. i worked so hard. ;(

mooncake festival street jamboree thingy tonight. just over. it was fine, feels like inti.

i want new earphones, very expensive kind. i can tolerate rm200 for good ear phones for amazing sounds.

my cheap 20 bucks carrefour earphones died. so im using eexuen's even cheaper pasar malam ear phones that produce horrible sounds that is ruining wang leehom's sexy voice.

damn i wish i was rich.

scared like shit.

i found some lyrics i wrote in 06.. fucking funny! but i have no clue how the song sounded. haha, and im no writer nor a composer so.. im a performer? HAHAHAHA naahh.

anyways i am so freaking stressed out. for the first time in my life, studying for long hours hasn't paid off. i dunno what to do. i am super freaked out for tmr's cal2 test.

k im out.

very scared.

maybe i should stop swearing so much. hm

girl.

uh, so,

theres this girl whom i was pretty sure i've met in inti before, she added me on fb, so i was trying so hard to remember who she was, and i settled with " she was the girl who told me she liked me on independence day " (long story short, there was a girl that kept telling me she liked me alot when i was busy with the event, but i cant remember her face.. )

just now, xt told me that that girl was this girl that was somebody's ex girlfriend and all the funny shit about them.

so now im confused if that girl whos that somebody's exgf and the girl who told me she liked me on independence day is the same girl.

hm.

clothes?

i had the weirdest dream last night.

this was how it went (or how i remembered it) lol:

i discovered the top floor of my block, it was this big flat rooftop with lots of laundry equipments, the lines and the pegs and the clothes hangers. and the thing is, the place had the maximum blast of sunshine! (inside joke for inti residents: our usual clothes hanging spot doesnt get sunshine at all so out clothes would sometimes our clothes will smell funny) and i remember i was feeling damn angry in my dream, because my new roommate discovered the place before i did, and she have used up all the clothes hanger there was! and she hung up all these hideous maxis that seemed to be bath robes i think, lol i dont know its very blurry now lol. and she was grinning so widely cos she has proven my facts wrong, i told her earlier (in real life) that the only place to dry our laundry it that tiny place with so minimum hanging lines and no sunshine.

HAHAHA

i dont know but i woke up ffeeling damnn angry.

oh well.

the new roommie did it again!

i told her that by plugging in the cable internet will go faster. so she tried with the cable that was lying around, that the ex rooommate left, and she couldnt get on the net. so ii told her she should try to off the wifi. she doubted what i said, called up a friend and had the friend prove it wrong lol. =.= i was only tryna help, big bitch. argh.

new roomie. not happy.

i think i hate my new roommate for a few reasons :

1. she smiles to me every single time she sees me. freaky.
2. she says she cant stay under the fan, but she can try to bear with "1 or 2 degrees", im so fucking lucky i have a table fan or else i might have died hours ago.
3. she lectured me on "why should people sleep with the lights off" and she said that it was about the magnetic field of the earth. BULLSHIT, its personal preferences, and besides, i was only tryna ask her if she sleeps with the lights off, because i cant stand people who sleep with the lights on. MAGNETIC FIELD lol srsly? she thinks im an idiot, good thing i feel the same about her too.
4. her side is so damn tidy, and she have so little stuff.
5. she has an alarm clock! omg omg omg omgg so damn old school!
6. shes skipping ole for no obvious reasons, i keep telling her to go, but shes damn reluctant. FINE, ROT IN THIS ROOM AND YOU WILL HAVE NO FRIENDS AND NO ONE TO EAT DINNER WITH!
7. she woke up at 7 on a saturday morning, and started doing maths problems she found on the internet. LOL? your classes havent even started yet you freakshow.
8. i think shes a vegan. im not sure, but i brought in 3 char siew paos this morning, (my mother's friend tapao-ed for me when she came in to inti to drop off her son, he goes here too) and she stared. maybe it was because she wanted one and i was trying so hard to avoid her cold stares and kept on munching on my char siew paos, haha.
9. she follows whatever i do in the room. i read, so she grabs a book from her bag and reads too.
10. i think she was waiting for me to come back ytd night. she was playing with her fingers in front of her desk when i came back at 1am. hm.

aaiish.

i swear if i ever have a daughter i'll never send her to an all girls school.

seriously.

so many of them i met are very easily offended, dont get jokes, and very damn zhai.

and yet so many of them i know are hip, in trend, and very hiao.

okay i shouldnt have generalized, but still, the chances are still relatively higher by a frickin lot.

oh today wasnt so progressive

i have this fucked up habit.

when a plan is beginning to fall apart, i like to give it a push so that it'll falls apart faster.

i dont know.

i dont have the commitment to hold on.

and even if i regret after,

i pull a face and say i aint feeling no remorse.

today. i am de-motivated.

of goodbyes and the future (part two)

sent sharon lau may yen off for the states.

maybe it didnt hit me that hard, because im going to the states too, in 11 months. but i guess it hit her girl school buds pretty darn hard. i never thought that going away meant goodbye. death means goodbye to me. wherever you are it doesnt matter, because you are alive. shes gonna be on the other side of the world, but planet earth is alot tinier than we thought. we're alot tinier. what are we, a speck so tiny in the universe. when you put the solar system and the galaxy and the universe into consideration, nothing we are feeling now feels "the moment". how do you know that you're living in the NOW dimension? and now many dimensions are there?

and then you realize that you wont be afraid of anything in the world. (rapists burglars murderers, yes, but im not talking about that, its more spiritual) and you wouldnt want anything that you dont need anymore, because what you want will never measure up to what you can afford, and when you are able to afford everything you will lose touch of the feeling of desiring something. and again it comes back to the most basic question, what does life mean?

study hard work hard become rich buy pretty things and then die.

sometimes.

just sometimes.

i dont feel NOW.

i dont feel the moment.

and i lose my head and i forget my priorities and i become fucking lazy because i have this "we're just a tiny speck in the universe" theory.

arghhh.

americaan systemss.

pretty traumatized because cal2 is so much harder than cal1.

mr nathan keep saying he'll see us again next semester so we shouldnt worry too much, LOL ! i dont wanna redo! i cant redo!

workkk harder!

too freeeee

listening to khalil's concert snippets. DROOLING OVER THE LAPTOP. khalil fong's voice is to die for.

sometimes i feel kinda inferior when im around the bunch of classmates from chinese high schools. DAMN their chinese is so good. jeng jeng jeng. proof : super good chinese.

aish. so freeeeee,

sem2 started!

back in inti.

not quite happy.

feeling rather empty.

the feeling of not having any assignments and discussions and meetings frighten me. super uneasy! because the first day i got back, km and jou rushed to adv inti's meeting right after dinner, today hanjia and the gang ditched us to dinner with their stact club seniors to mengampu abit (assumption la, lol), eexuen rushed back to get a flu pill for me and rushed to street party's commitee meeting. (thank you eexuen darling you are the best!) ADOI. then i ended up talking and gossiping with simba and ferng.

i had to drop chemistry and history this sem because of the bitchy clashes. SADD! cos i was actually quite looking forward to u.s history! altho they keep telling me how strict dr borges is at marking papers and how difficult it is to score for history. hmm, still havent get over the fact that my perfect no-morning-classes timetable has been screwed up.

had to take physics and world religion instead.

AND THERE GOES MY PERFECT TIMETABLE.

8AM CLASSES EVERY SINGLE DAY except wednesday omfg.

world religion, im excited.

physics, nooooo, i was trying to avoid taking calculus2 and physics together in a semester. because, im not very strong at either the subjects. AND, I FRIGGIN GOT A B- FOR CALCULUS ONE! how the hell am i gonna cope with physics this sem?! OMG.

but i guess i just have to.

and i got chairperson for aup club (yes yes thank you im thrilled), but i think im gonna go crazy stressed like before IU NIGHT last year lol.

ANYWAYS, THATS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

camaderie night coming right upp.

;D cant wait to work with them again! very supportive and close-knit bunch!

just thinking, and typing. and not reading

redang was great.

sem break was great.

new semester resolutions:

1. study harder! 3.5 and above!
2. ensure aup club's awesomeness and exclusiveness. (promise to self : once you get back to inti you will do crazy tonnes of research and call for a meeting some time in the first week)
3. studyy hardderrrr. spend more time in the library!
4. sleep late at night, not early in the morning.
5. no supper! super fat.
6. STUDYY HARDER!
7. spend more time at cae and upo and do alot of research on universities
8. study!!!!! without snacking!
9. fit into old clothes at the end of the semester. (hahahaha. yeah but its important.)
10. practice HEALTHY LIVING HABITS!!
11. EAT WELL!
    
12. sleep sleep is very important! dont stay up late anymore!

cal1 finals.

note to self:

its gonna be fine, i know its already almost impossible for me to get an a, but at least try! if you get a B+ its gonna be alright, you know your english marks will balance up yout gpa, it'll end up around 3.33-3.5 and thats totally alright. just be extra careful later! im gonna be finee!

K BB.

i have 5 minutes to blog. okay here goes.

i feel like, college and highschool is so fucking different can? i hear stories from my friends who are doing form6, and i totally whatthefucked, i thought all those lil girl drama ended in form3. seriously, who CRIES when someone teases you? how old is she? some preschooler? in form six summore? omfg she better go kill herself.

moving on,

emo people should kill emself too, since they are just so damn miserable. OR, they can just stay in their coves and not spread their emo-ness. really dulan with emo people who spreads emo-ness. dont join next time k, since you're so damn angry with the world and you wanna go back so badly, why did you come in the first place?

DAMN IM STARVINGGGGG.

how many years has it been? NO DONT COUNT.

went to klia for dinner! ;DD

wanted to go send mayjean off to melb in the afternoon, but since anju and gang decided not to go, i cancelled on may too. sorry may!

anyways, i was walking and suddenly this boy walking past called out my name. lol? and i blurted, who are you? LOL. it was clement! clement ho! my junior in primary school! we used to be in the same choral speaking team, and he could make all these funny sound effects. he was really a mischievous piece of art. but seeing him now.. he has matured. (voice in head: of course he has, how many years ago was primary school. lol) he was flying off to melbourne as well. trinity as well. he din tell me he was at trinity, i found out a few moments ago by stalking his fb. aussies real good, i get why malaysian parents like sending their kids there, its near, the weathers good, theres like loads of asian people. my mum actually asked me whether i wanted to go to aussie, no, i think she wanted me to go to aussie quite badly she was practically endorsing it, haha. australia is a good place! i love it there! its just that i had this desire to go to some place farr and be away from home for some time, to experience life, to start out anew. i cant do that in aussie, i have family there, my parents will definitely fly over like every 6 months to come see me. no, im not saying i wanna pull out from my life here completely.. its just that here, we already have labels. and those labels are extra adhesive.

its not gonna be easy to start out afresh either.

im foreseeing my first few weeks in the states.

my label will be : international student, transferred degree, probably from china.

hahah xD

aite im crapping.

stayed up all night yesterday.

calculus-ed, watched a horror movie, and mahjong-ed from 8pm til 7am.

lifes good!

july. the transition to emo months. are you guys ready?

glee is like super good. only watched episode 22 after a month of delay. i bought volume2 and showstoppers sekali gus, so now im damn broke. and i just just the last piece of ten ringgit note in my purse to buy a pokka green tea box. daymmn. emo weekend. its already monday and im still kinda emo, esp at times like these, alone in a pitch dark room. listening to emo glee covers. fave songs on showstoppers : a house is not a home/ one less bell to answer. DAMN so damn emo can, may i repeat that april rhodes' voice is like fucking amazing. so damn versatile can! 100% broadway baby! i just read the commentary on 'home', the episode where kurt wanted to renovate his room to welcome finn, and then he sings cos finn yells at him for being such a kpc. and when april sleeps over at will's. and they sang in different rooms. walao! the commentary said it was the most emotional episode in the entire season one, and i agree! and even 'journey', the last episode wasnt as emotional. tho i cried while watching 'journey', 'home' portrayed deeper emotions, the feeling of loneliness, and hope, the feeling of waiting for something important to happen and the disappointment when it doesnt go as you expected. all of us have gone thru this feeling, but not alot of people can tell you what does it really feel like, because there isnt a word to fully describe the emo-ness. but this episode did it, i felt. whereas 'journey'has a more straight forward feeling to it, there wasnt too much of twists and turns.

its july again.

i used to say july/august/ september are break up months. i still believe in it. maybe its because of the weather, the transition to rainy days. emo-ess kicks in very easily during these few months.

i dont know why i doubted our friendship, i wasnt thinking straight. how could the thought of it came across my mind? its not gonna happen again, i love you ze! ahah. never heard of long distance friendship. because the friends who drift apart when they are physically apart arent true friends, to me. i misssss you guys so much! lumahao why dont i see you online! frickin miss you can!

bert,

its fine. we're here.

adam.

went to see ADAM THE MUSICAL in the afternoon. the actors studioi is so damn hard to find weyh. it was my first Malaysian musical! almost forgot that it was already the last show and if i dont catch it now theres no guarantee they'll run the show again, its not some big time broadway musical afterall. it wasn't all that damn good, but it made me cry. the music and lyrics was kinda juvenile, very easy to understand words. maybe they wanted it to be more accessible to the average Malaysians. they call it an uncommon love, not just another boy meet girl story. but i find the storyline very predictable, its every day happenings, especially in Malaysia, i know so many people who converted because of love. and the thingy about aids, i remember watching "gol and gincu"the series on 8tv and the story was exactly like ADAM la. but IT STILL MADE ME CRY. wth man, im very weak at holding back my tears when i comes to all this shit. considering the fact that it made me emo for the following 2-3 hours after the show ended, i will give it a thumbs up.

it made me think alot. questions that i've always been asking for answers but never succeed in finding em and then i just throw em to the back of my mind.

"how does a person know that he/she is the one?"

and.

i realized something dah. the time you spend with someone really affects the way you feel about them. and. and, and. when its there, its gonna be there until you get crushed and be told that you cant have it. well yeah, no one understands what the hell im crapping. in fact im not quite sure i understand too.

it was a good day. meeting up with him and all. we have never hung out before. texted for 3 years but was never ever in each others' daily social circle before. well thats when people realize what they always assume bout people is all wronggg. you thought you knew. but theres so much more to it that was kept away from you. it was awkward, very fucking awkward. i am such a talker. but i get so damn little positive response from him. i keep forcing myself to talk more so that we'd not get caught in some silent moment. lol? i dont think imma do it again?

and i got 2 new flats! rm99 for 2! happyhappyhappyy.

gilbert is back! missed him! (if you're reading, its totally sincere! xD)

oh, im not lesbian.

i thought i was. i wanted to be one too, but i cant be what im not right.

so right now, i'll just settle with being straight but uninterested in boys. HAHAHA.

feeling so damn under accomplished. 47.5% for calculus. i think im gonna cry.

zhehui, zhentao. sorry, my bad. xD

i followed my sepupu's parents back to ktn on thursday. the thing is, my uncle is almost 55 years old and he sings along to hitz.fm. down, break your heart, and that katy perry/timbaland song.. i think he hums to every song that came on. haha.

i was waiting for zhentao, group assignment leader, to send me the questionnaire, cos i forgot to bring mine home from nilai. got abit annoyed because i waited so long, so i decided to ring him up.

"hello zhentao ar, you send the survey sheet ady not?"

"har? er.. yeah a while more! i'll call you later k?"

"okaay."

after 20 minutes, my phone rang, "zhehui calling".. .. ..

zhe hui?! i havent been talking to him for almost a year noww! whats he calling me for?

"hello?"

"heyy! you called me ar? wassup?"

"i called youu? LOOOL. omfg so damn sorry i think i got the wrong person bahaha!"

OMFGGG!

i called zhehui, this nice person i met during my hunan trip in 2008, and crapped for almost 2 minutes and expected zhentao to send me the file afterwards, BAHAHA. funny, cos when i talked to zhehui and thought it was zhentao, a really odd thought appeared, i felt weird cos suddenly zhentao's voice so gentle and nice. zhentao speaks in this really low pitch voice, everything he says sounds serious and solemn one. LOL. and zhehui on the other hand, has this really nice, soothing voice. BAHAHAH. but it was all good, i got the file a while after the phonecall, and me and zhehui texted for a while, after so damn long. gosh now i kinda miss him, and the gang. china this year anyone? xD

just something brief cos im sleepy.

have been procrastinating about the group assignment. finally decided to do it today! finished in 6 hours! FINALLY. but am sleepy.

back in ktn!

movie with mahao today, laughed so badly. a team. felt like a kampung girl afterwards. but it was really that funny, and those who know me know that i have VERYY high standards for jokes and not alot of things i find funny. haha aite. drove around to look for mahao's men's health magazine. epic fail, which was funny. because we actually saw one at out first stop but it was all scrunched up and unpretty already, and it was the last issue on the stand, so we decided to look for it at a several more places, HAHA BUT ALL SOLS OUT lol lol lol. xD sorry dude.

FAT HAO ALERT!

i found the superhotguy's facebook weyhh. he doesnt look that good in photographs, but gosh hes vain alright. but i like! he take pictures of himself half nude. HOW AWESOME is that for us fb stalkers lol. FEELING LUCKYY. gosh his packs! damnnnn.

im actually looking forward to going back to nilai. nilai is great! i love it there. abit culture shock at first la, cos its like all CINA CINA people ny. but i figured that if i really wanted to go to a banana orientated college i would have gone to taylors or sunway, and get LAN-ed by all the rich ass bananas all the time. the thing about cina cina people is that they get along with people so quick. at least the ones i hang around with are very friendly people! ala lets not categorize people la, cina cina people oso got alot cibai one. LOL. damn.

day 2 of midsem break.

note to self:

stop sleeping at 4am and waking up at 1pm. its gonna end up to be a fatal habit. MISSING ANY OF YOUR CALCULUS CLASSES WILL BE FATAL. stop eating uber unhealthy food and super inappropriate times. stop starving yourself just for the midnight mcd ! and burgerss! and taufufa in the middle of the night! thats gonna be fatal too. stop those unrealistic wantings, you're not gonna spend so much on a pair of wayfarers, its impossible you'll be able to survive with the guilt.

k now call mummy to say hi.

triple post!

did i mention something like..

one simple text. happy all dayy?

hahah guess i did mention this before. aah, lifes a bliss!

baby, only if you were mine.

one little thing - the little indian boy

i know i love them no matter what, that is what true friends are for. no judging. because we're all equally screwed up, no one gets to judge whos more fucked up. lesson learned? trust your friends and accept who they are, but be sure they'd do the same for you. and im feling really lucky i have a bunch of people there, always ready to hear me out, never judging, never jumping into conclusions.

anyways i had a really peculiar feeling today. the feeling of being alive. to be able to breathe, and feel. to be able to love. and hate.

i was on a very crowded train. the song playing in my earphones was "colbie cailat - droplets". the first line of the song was "im leaving you, not sure if thats what i should do".. the line got me, i felt like crying, memories can be a big bitch sometimes. and it got to the chorus, a very catchy chorus, right in front of me there was a little indian boy, very chubby very cute, around 3 years old i'd guess, he was so happy, hugging his mommy and smiling and waving to everyone in the carriage. and that got me again. i was so envious of that little boy because hes so easily happy. life seemed so easy for him, although it seemed like it hadnt been too easy for his mommy, she looked exhausted. my guess would be they're from a not-too-wealthy family. but she was so proud of her little boy, because he was so outgoing and he was so smart. and i realize happiness can come so easily, we're just being brats because we have been wanting so much from life, demanding this and that and we're never satisfied with the outcome. if only we'll stop being bitches, if only we'll stop being so damn demeaning. this whole thing can be so simple. being happy can be so simple.

and i got it.

the feeling of simply, being alive, made me happy. and i smiled to myself. and the song ended.

and nothing else mattered too much anymore. oh yeah, and quoting dr. lim, if you're thinking of committing suicide, please make sure you die. i would strongly recommend jumping down from klcc.

klcc adventures.

eeeeeee. i spent so much todayy.

new mascara lashcurler perfume makeupremover bodylotion.

DAMN, YOU'RE SUCH A BIG SPENDER EVE!

supper later. no dinner, just supper!

its official, i have no life.

SUPPOSEDLY if you’ve seen over 70 films, you have no life.

Teen/Romance:

(x) A Cinderella Story

( ) Another Cinderella Story

(x) Step Up

( ) Step Up 2

(x) High School Musical

(x) High School Musical 2

( ) High School Musical 3

(x) Hannah Montana Movie

( ) Enchanted

( ) Sydney White

Total: 7

(x) She’s The Man

( ) Licensed to Wed

( ) The Break-Up

(x) 13 going on 30

(x) 27 Dresses

( ) P.S I Love You

(x) Made of Honor

(x) What Happens in Vegas

(x) Get Smart

() The Princess Bride

Total: 15

(x) Camp Rock

(x) Wild Child

( ) Ella Enchanted

(x) The Princess Diaries

(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

(x) 50 First Dates

(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie

( ) Hotel For Dogs

( ) Just Married

(x) Freaky Friday

Total: 22

(x) The Hot Chick

( ) Sleepover

(x) Confessions Of a Shopaholic

(x) Twilight

( ) Nancy Drew

(x) The Devil Wears Prada

( ) No Reservations

( ) Perfect Man

( ) Australia

(x) Never Been Kissed

Total: 27

Comedy/Humour:

( ) Yes Man

(x) Bedtime Stories

(x) The Pink Panther

( ) The Pink Panther 2

( ) Marley & Me

(x) Cheetah Girls

( ) Cheetah Girls 2

( ) Bratz

(x) Haunted Mansion

( ) Paul Blart Mall Cop

Total: 32

( ) The 40-Year-Old Virgin

(x) Night in the Museum

(x) Night in the Museum 2

( ) Evan Almighty

(x) Bruce Almighty

(x) White Chicks

( ) Neverending Story

( ) Meet the Spartans

(x) Meet the Parents

(x) Meet the Fockers

Total: 38

( ) Scream

( ) Scream 2

( ) Scream 3

( ) Scary Movie

( ) Scary Movie 2

( ) Scary Movie 3

( ) Scary Movie 4

( ) American Pie

( ) American Pie 2

( ) American Pie Band Camp

Total: 39

Adventures:

(x) Harry Potter 1: The Sorcerer’s Stone

(x) Harry Potter 2: The Secret Chamber

(x) Harry Potter 3: Prisoner of Azkaban

(x) Harry Potter 4: Goblet of Fire

(x) Harry Potter 5: Order of the Phoenix

(x) Harry Potter 6: Half-Blood Prince

(x) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

(x) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King

(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Total: 50

( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

(x) Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull

( ) The Mummy

( ) The Mummy 2

( ) The Mummy 3

( ) Journey to the Center of Earth

( ) City of Ember

( ) Finding Neverland

Total: 51

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End

(x) X-Men

(x) X-2

(x) X-3

(x) Spider-Man

(x) Spider-Man 2

(x) Spider Man 3

(x) King Kong

Total: 61

( ) Hellboy

( ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace

( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones

(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith

( ) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope

( ) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back

(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi

( ) Underdog

( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events

(x) Batman: The Dark Knight

Total: 64

Action/Thriller:

(x) The Matrix

( ) The Matrix Reloaded

(x) The Matrix Revolution

( ) Terminator

( ) Terminator 2

( ) Terminator 3

( ) Ocean’s Eleven

( ) Ocean’s Twelve

( ) Ocean’s Thirteen

(x) Casino Royale 007

Total: 67

( ) Bourne Identity

( ) Bourne Supremacy

( )Underworld

( ) Butterfly Effect

(x) Death Note

(x) Death Note 2

(x) Death Note 3: L Change the world

( ) Resident Evil 1

( ) Resident Evil 2

( ) I, Robot

Total: 69

(x) Rush Hour

(x) Rush Hour 2

(x) Rush Hour 3

(x) Mission Impossible 1

(x) Mission Impossible 2

(x) Mission Impossible 3

(x) I Am Legend

( ) Predator I

( ) Predator II

( ) Signs

Total: 76

Horror:

( ) Saw

( ) Saw II

( ) Saw III

( ) Saw IV

( ) Saw V

(x) The Grinch

( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre

( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

(x) The Ring

(x) The Ring 2

Total: 79

( ) Final Destination

( ) Final Destination 2

(x) Final Destination 3

( ) Ghost Ship

( ) From Hell

( ) Child’s Play

(x) Seed of Chucky

(x) Bride of Chucky

(x) Gothika

(x) Nightmare on Elm Street

Total: 84

(x) The Grudge

(x) The Grudge 2

( ) The Haunted Apartment

( ) Siren

(x) Silent Hill

(x) The Mask

( ) Son Of The Mask

( ) Alone

(x) Omen

(x) House Of Wax

Total: 90

(x) The Eye

(x) The Eye 2

(x) Shutter

(x) When a Stranger calls

(x) The Fog

( ) The Orphanage

( ) The Skulls

( ) Cruel Intentions

( ) Cruel Intentions 2

( ) House of 1000 Corpses

Total: 95

Cartoons:

(x) Lilo & Stitch

(x) Ice Age

(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

(x) Madagascar

(x) Madagascar 2

(x) Kung Fu Panda

( ) Bolt

( ) Wall-E

(x) Monsters Inc

(x) Shark Tale

Total: 103

(x) Shrek

(x) Shrek 2

(x) Shrek 3

(x) Finding Nemo

( ) ET

( ) Cars

( ) Ratatouille

(x) Toy Story

(x) Toy Story 2

(x) The Incredibles

Total: 111

Inspirational:

(x) Little Miss Sunshine

( ) I Am Sam

( ) The Day After Tomorrow

( ) Coach Carter

( ) The Last Dance

( ) To Kill A Mockingbird

( ) Conrack

( ) Midnight Sun

( ) Little Black Book

( ) Rwanda Genocide

Total: 112

Classics:

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You

(x) Titanic

(x) Romeo & Juliet

( ) Frankenstein

( ) A Midsummer Night’s Dream

TOTAL:115