not us.

if only i had the courage to write the things so many other girls are writing on your wall, i wouldn't be me anymore, but also maybe you and me would've become us. i choose to be true to myself anytime, anywhere, under any sort of circumstances, i have the strongest ego and i just cannot bring myself to doing all those things, even if i wanted to, so badly. i am so angry but i cant direct the anger towards you. so i am angry with myself for not being angry at you, and i am angry because you are you. but you are you, and i am me. you are there, and i am here half way around the globe. so therefore, you and me are not us.

3 films!

three films!

//cant really think of any special movies so im just gonna type the first 3 that comes into mind, im sure it means something if my mind have thought about them first. hahaha.

1. ten things i hate about you. BEST CHICK FLICK EVER. and heath ledger is sooooo lala its just epic.

2. 2 young. fiona sit and jaycee fong has the best chemistry as a newcomer couple, i've probably watched the movie for a 100 times and i still cry every time.

3. memoirs of a geisha. i dont know how accurate the book/movie portrays the life of a geisha (because the author is a angmoh mar lol), but i was really drawn, maybe its because i never thought gongli can play hatsumomo (BIG BITCH) sooo well, and ken watanabe.. no need to say, is smoking hot for an old uncle. AHAH.

four books!

four books!

1. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, j.k. rowling. harry goes through puberty and gets cranky and emotional and it was sorta the time he discovers himself. so yeah, i read it when i was going through my mid-teens and it related to me.

2. neverwhere, neil gaiman. the main story is about how all major cities like london, and new york have a underground version of it, and the residents are all people who've fallen between the "cracks" of the buzzes of a big city. its awesome because of the hidden message behind it -- to never give up and not to underestimate or undermine people who might seem to be weaker or poorer or stupider than you, made me ponder. and i found out that it was made into a tv series, but i couldn't find it online.

3. leaving mother lake, by namu. its a crazy world namu lived in where her siblings do not bear the same last name as her, and her mother gets men knocking on her window every night, and it was inspiring how a girl from the grasslands of tibet traveled to the cities to make it in singing, and finally meeting someone and moved to the US. i was 12/13/14 when i read it, and the book lingered after i finished it for about 1 day, i just kept thinking about it. and then when i was in form4/5 i read something online saying that namu was like this attention-craving bimbo and that her story was a big exaggeration to gain sympathy and blar, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!! but it was still a veryy good story.

4. the kitchen god's wife, amy tan. amy tan is awesome, as usual, if you dont know her, get started with the movie "the joy luck club". the book i read was my aunt helen's, and it was so old it didn't have a back cover, and the front cover's edges were all eaten by worms (?). so i made a back cover for it and wrapped it in nice plastic. the book was absorbing, its about a chinese girl that was a daughter to a rich family with several wives, and how she was thrown around and forced to marry someone during wartime blar blar blar.

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on the side note:

i arrived at chicago safe and sound. orientation is a BIG bore, but i did get to meet a boy from inti subang so i dont have to speak in my weird american accent all day long, and i get to use my 'lah-s' and 'lor-s' and other cina words. finally met sarah, the malaysian senior in arch whom i was exchanging emails with all summer and she looks awesome. i took some pictures so i will be doing a picture-ful blogpost soon. ;D

i will try to like you a little lesser. i really will.

five foods!

five foods!

1. cheeseburgers. with cheddar and pickles and tomato ketchuppp. ENOUGH SAID! (to my friends who dont eat beef, i feel sorry for you..)

2. KAO YUK! traditional family food, you can never find a restaurant that serves kao yuk the way our family cooks it. my gong gong's recipe consist of NO mui choy, NO yam cutlets, and a special sauce made mainly of garlic, ginger and OIL. AHAHAHHA. we even have a special redesigned fork to poke the pork skin, its a difficult process and and verryy hard to put down in words. every CNY, we make alot of bowls of kaoyuk, and we keep them in the freezer. it lasts for almost a year. i wished i had a picture or something to show you guys how awesome our family kao yuk is.

3. temosa. its a traditional malay pastry shaped like a curry puff, but with dry minced fish and coconut. its more of an east coast delicacy, AND ITS DAMN NICE!

4. sui kows. i love suikows, i cant get enough of sui kows. NEVERRRR GET ENOUGH. the perfect suikow to me uses quality minced pork, with reasonable percentage of fatty pork and skinny pork (i dont know how to say these stuff in proper english), chopped water chesnut mixed in the minced pork, chopped carrot bits, a not-too-biged-sized shrimp, preferably some chopped onion leaves, wrapped nicely into a shape of a ribonny present, served in clear soup with some veggies. YUMMMMM. i would marry a guy who knows how to make sui kows, REALLYYYYY.

(stolen image)

5. super ring. we used to have choir practices every day from after recess time to 5pm. EVERYDAY! and super ring was my chicken soup throughout my 5 years in choir. THANK YOU SUPER RING, YOU'RE THE BEST JUNK CRISPS EVER!

just something that needed an output. but am too shy to post a fb status..

I was rummaging thru my bro's comics trying to find Scott pilgrim but I din find any!!!!!! wheeeeee are they?! found all the spiderman and batman and the surrogates and blar but just couldnt find Scott pilgrim. and the reason behind my sudden craving for some SP is because I was thinking about michael cera and his nerdy hotness. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GAAAY.

and another thing I found that amuses me is why does my bro have 2 copies of the same books? deathly hallows.. one adult cover one kid cover, anansi boys.. one soft cover one hard cover.. hm.

oh yeah. ANANSI BOYS is a very good novel btw! actually everything Neil gaiman publishes is good stuff!

anw I'm just bored . I found a book to kill time . 'the curious incident of the dog in the night time' . cover looks cute let's hope it is lah. babaiiii.

six places!

six places.

1. san fransisco, united states. its the prettiest city i've been to. and i want to spend my life there with an awesome partner. we would have a house on the windy and hilly streets of san fran, hopefully on a sea cliff where we'd get sea wind all day long (having a house on a sea cliff is my childhood dream, my parents think i got the idea from witches). we would have dogs, and we'd bring them to the seaside under the golden gate to play, then we'd go to fisherman's wharf to eat yummy clam chowder and calamari rings. nomnomnom. SAN FRANSISCO WO AI NI.

2. barcelona, spain. i always wanted to go to spain, it has very well preserved old architecture. and spanish men are hot. hahahhaa. i just watched "vicky christina barcelona" yesterday, the movie made it a veryy attractive place.

3. verona, italy. to see the infamous juliet's wall. and to write a letter to juliet telling her about the boy who taught me the feeling of a heartbreak.

4. teluk chempedak, kuantan. i will always have a part of me in kuantan, and tc is still a very beautiful beach despite all the man-made infrastructures.

5. beiliu, guangxi, china. its where our family roots lie. i've never been there, and i wonder if i would meet people with the same signature big and bridged nose our family members share. haha.

6. sultan abu bakar school, kuantan. where i learned to love, to hate, and most importantly, i learned to be me.

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about leaving malaysia.

i am very very very the excited. ;D

nervous to take the flight alone, but more overwhelmed by the 22 hour flight-time. I HATE FLYING. ugh. hoping for everything to be fine!

seven wants!

day four.

seven wants. '

1. more financial aid for school. going to a private american college is expensive, my conscience is killing me. my parents have never complaint a syllable about how expensive it is, and when i was making a tough decision to accept which offer, they told me to choose the best and not to worry about the tuition. and we are not rich people, my dad work for every cent we have. and i am grateful for all the good things and bad experiences in life. i am still feeling very remorseful for my cb spm results. one certificate that could change lives, i knew how important it was but i still screwed it up. damn that B for chinese.

2. i secretly want an ipod classic. because my iphone is running out of space. i cant even fit my entire itunes into it anymore. but i don dare to ask from my parents la, they're gonna killl me. xD

3. a new laptop batt. mine died. my laptop is a dell inspiron 1464! *wink wink*

4. a black chanel classic flap bag. i told my mom im gonna get this with my first few paychecks and she laughed at me for being naive. im gonna prove her wrong. rawrrr. =.=

5. classic louboutin pumps. seriously. 6.5 inches sky high stilletos, gonna rock them on my first interview! (hahah...... i wish.)

6. my own masseuse. i cant get enough of massages. i use to make weijin massage my palms in class and the first few time he was being sweet so he did it nicely and after that he rolls his eyes when i ask. AHAHAH. when i was younger, i told my mom im gonna marry a thai masseuse, my mom said i was stupid cause i should marry a rich guy who can afford to pay my masseuse. and i thought, OMFG MY MOM IS SO WISE. hahaahha.

7. rayban wayfarers. like the ones audrey hepburn wears. damn yeng la omg. and audrey hepburn is so so so so so pretty like the prettiest girl ever lived.

anyways, i know most of my seven wants are like high-fashion and vain, so what. atm im just pretty contented with my life and i can live without all the unnecessary luxuries but it doesnt mean that i cant have goals now can i. im gonna be a rich stylo architect that visits construction sites wearing sexy high waisted skirts and 6 inches-high pumps. AHAHAHAH.

A GIRL CAN DREAM NOW CAN SHE!?

eight fears!

day three!

eight fears.

1. unsaid gooodbyes. i would rather someone bid the hardest goodbyes and go through the worst heartbreak than leaving without saying a word. i would rather cry until i am dehydrated than be left behind wondering when,why,where. i want to feel included in the people and things someone's going miss.

2. no earphone. its really painful when i just wanna shut my ears from the sounds from my surroundings, and when i reach for my earphone, SHIT where is it. damnn. its worst than no battery weyh.

3. heart diseases / stroke. i dont want to die that way. seriously. im gonna get healthy. i promise.

4. big spaces. i dont like wide plain spaces. its kinda serious when i was younger, i would dream about being in a wide wide no boundary space and no matter how hard and fast i run the i wont see anything change around me, and i would scream and wake up with sweat all over, and then my mom would rush in and switch on the lights and asked what happened but i just couldnt make up a reasonable sentence, and i would be sobbing like a gay nyancat. but it got better, i still get the dream once in a while, and i am still kinda afraid of wide spaces, but as long as i can see things like trees, cars, buildings around i'd be fine. mild agoraphobia. LOL.

4. anything to happen to my parents. i know its very selfish to say this, but i would rather die before my parents because i know i won't be able to cope if they left.

5. birds. I HATE BIRDS. i hate the entire family of birds. i hate that they have beaks and i hate that they have claws (cooked claws in dimsum is nice!). im really scared of birds. especially, chickens, pigeons, ostriches, flamingos and hornbills. i always thought birds are evil. i got pecked by my aunt's chicken when i was younger, and it was traumatizing. and pigeons with their blood red eyes send chills down my spine! birds terrify me.

6. decomposing matters.

7. flight turbulence / aircrash / emergency landing. everytime my flight goes through some turbulence i'd think of crazy scenarios like a lightning striking a wing of the airplane and the airplane would lose balance and descend with high speed and we would have to evacuate the airplane by jumping into the sea and watch the plane explode.. .. .. think too much, yes i know. when i was in NY with my fam and we were inside the statue of liberty (no dont think dirty please) they suddenly rang the alarm and called for an emergency evacuation, apparently there was a rumor saying that someone planted a bomb in there, so they had to check. its crazy cause if someone really planted a bomb in there he would be godlike because the security is the tightest.. but no, she did not blow up and we did manage to get up.

8. forever alone.