that question.

he knows that i can adapt to new environments very quickly, he also knows that i can live without talking to him. but he doesnt know that i dont want to.

he knows that i stalk. he knows that i calculate time difference just to talk to him. but he doesnt know that i love knowing that he knows that i stalk, and he doesnt know how much it hurts to see him replying to other people's comments but not to my message. he doesnt know that i was paranoid enough to check the ipad every 20 seconds to see whether he replied, just because it was midnight here and noon there so chances of him coming online and read the message are high. he also doesnt know that i spent 7 hours on my drawing, which i normally spend only 5 hours, because i was troubled and emotional my hands were shaking i couldnt even draw a straight line properly. he doesnt know how many times i typed and backspaced a single message until i finally calmed down and typed a question i rephrased a thousand times in my head, just because i was trying to convince myself i have no rights to be mad over this.

"just frickkin reply, its not like im gonna go crazy" phrase that was replayed for a gazillion times throughout the day.

but he knows that i am gonna go crazy, i like the way he always know how i will react to things, even though he knows nothing about my life. i like the way he compares the current me to the me in form3 and tells me im still so childish. but i hate all of that too. why cant he just get to now the current me better, spend a little more time asking me about my life, something he promised he would do but never did.

I was special, she reminded you of ME. how on earth did that change inversely. i like her, i like the person you described through texts, i think i can totally get along with her. but i hate that you guys had so much more than we ever did. fuck.

FUCK.

"whats going on between you and her?"

FUCK, IF HE KNOWS THAT I STALK, HE'D KNOW THAT I KNOW HES IGNORING MY MESSAGE.

not us.

if only i had the courage to write the things so many other girls are writing on your wall, i wouldn't be me anymore, but also maybe you and me would've become us. i choose to be true to myself anytime, anywhere, under any sort of circumstances, i have the strongest ego and i just cannot bring myself to doing all those things, even if i wanted to, so badly. i am so angry but i cant direct the anger towards you. so i am angry with myself for not being angry at you, and i am angry because you are you. but you are you, and i am me. you are there, and i am here half way around the globe. so therefore, you and me are not us.

3 films!

three films!

//cant really think of any special movies so im just gonna type the first 3 that comes into mind, im sure it means something if my mind have thought about them first. hahaha.

1. ten things i hate about you. BEST CHICK FLICK EVER. and heath ledger is sooooo lala its just epic.

2. 2 young. fiona sit and jaycee fong has the best chemistry as a newcomer couple, i've probably watched the movie for a 100 times and i still cry every time.

3. memoirs of a geisha. i dont know how accurate the book/movie portrays the life of a geisha (because the author is a angmoh mar lol), but i was really drawn, maybe its because i never thought gongli can play hatsumomo (BIG BITCH) sooo well, and ken watanabe.. no need to say, is smoking hot for an old uncle. AHAH.

four books!

four books!

1. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, j.k. rowling. harry goes through puberty and gets cranky and emotional and it was sorta the time he discovers himself. so yeah, i read it when i was going through my mid-teens and it related to me.

2. neverwhere, neil gaiman. the main story is about how all major cities like london, and new york have a underground version of it, and the residents are all people who've fallen between the "cracks" of the buzzes of a big city. its awesome because of the hidden message behind it -- to never give up and not to underestimate or undermine people who might seem to be weaker or poorer or stupider than you, made me ponder. and i found out that it was made into a tv series, but i couldn't find it online.

3. leaving mother lake, by namu. its a crazy world namu lived in where her siblings do not bear the same last name as her, and her mother gets men knocking on her window every night, and it was inspiring how a girl from the grasslands of tibet traveled to the cities to make it in singing, and finally meeting someone and moved to the US. i was 12/13/14 when i read it, and the book lingered after i finished it for about 1 day, i just kept thinking about it. and then when i was in form4/5 i read something online saying that namu was like this attention-craving bimbo and that her story was a big exaggeration to gain sympathy and blar, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!! but it was still a veryy good story.

4. the kitchen god's wife, amy tan. amy tan is awesome, as usual, if you dont know her, get started with the movie "the joy luck club". the book i read was my aunt helen's, and it was so old it didn't have a back cover, and the front cover's edges were all eaten by worms (?). so i made a back cover for it and wrapped it in nice plastic. the book was absorbing, its about a chinese girl that was a daughter to a rich family with several wives, and how she was thrown around and forced to marry someone during wartime blar blar blar.

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on the side note:

i arrived at chicago safe and sound. orientation is a BIG bore, but i did get to meet a boy from inti subang so i dont have to speak in my weird american accent all day long, and i get to use my 'lah-s' and 'lor-s' and other cina words. finally met sarah, the malaysian senior in arch whom i was exchanging emails with all summer and she looks awesome. i took some pictures so i will be doing a picture-ful blogpost soon. ;D

i will try to like you a little lesser. i really will.

five foods!

five foods!

1. cheeseburgers. with cheddar and pickles and tomato ketchuppp. ENOUGH SAID! (to my friends who dont eat beef, i feel sorry for you..)

2. KAO YUK! traditional family food, you can never find a restaurant that serves kao yuk the way our family cooks it. my gong gong's recipe consist of NO mui choy, NO yam cutlets, and a special sauce made mainly of garlic, ginger and OIL. AHAHAHHA. we even have a special redesigned fork to poke the pork skin, its a difficult process and and verryy hard to put down in words. every CNY, we make alot of bowls of kaoyuk, and we keep them in the freezer. it lasts for almost a year. i wished i had a picture or something to show you guys how awesome our family kao yuk is.

3. temosa. its a traditional malay pastry shaped like a curry puff, but with dry minced fish and coconut. its more of an east coast delicacy, AND ITS DAMN NICE!

4. sui kows. i love suikows, i cant get enough of sui kows. NEVERRRR GET ENOUGH. the perfect suikow to me uses quality minced pork, with reasonable percentage of fatty pork and skinny pork (i dont know how to say these stuff in proper english), chopped water chesnut mixed in the minced pork, chopped carrot bits, a not-too-biged-sized shrimp, preferably some chopped onion leaves, wrapped nicely into a shape of a ribonny present, served in clear soup with some veggies. YUMMMMM. i would marry a guy who knows how to make sui kows, REALLYYYYY.

(stolen image)

5. super ring. we used to have choir practices every day from after recess time to 5pm. EVERYDAY! and super ring was my chicken soup throughout my 5 years in choir. THANK YOU SUPER RING, YOU'RE THE BEST JUNK CRISPS EVER!

just something that needed an output. but am too shy to post a fb status..

I was rummaging thru my bro's comics trying to find Scott pilgrim but I din find any!!!!!! wheeeeee are they?! found all the spiderman and batman and the surrogates and blar but just couldnt find Scott pilgrim. and the reason behind my sudden craving for some SP is because I was thinking about michael cera and his nerdy hotness. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GAAAY.

and another thing I found that amuses me is why does my bro have 2 copies of the same books? deathly hallows.. one adult cover one kid cover, anansi boys.. one soft cover one hard cover.. hm.

oh yeah. ANANSI BOYS is a very good novel btw! actually everything Neil gaiman publishes is good stuff!

anw I'm just bored . I found a book to kill time . 'the curious incident of the dog in the night time' . cover looks cute let's hope it is lah. babaiiii.