he knows that i stalk. he knows that i calculate time difference just to talk to him. but he doesnt know that i love knowing that he knows that i stalk, and he doesnt know how much it hurts to see him replying to other people's comments but not to my message. he doesnt know that i was paranoid enough to check the ipad every 20 seconds to see whether he replied, just because it was midnight here and noon there so chances of him coming online and read the message are high. he also doesnt know that i spent 7 hours on my drawing, which i normally spend only 5 hours, because i was troubled and emotional my hands were shaking i couldnt even draw a straight line properly. he doesnt know how many times i typed and backspaced a single message until i finally calmed down and typed a question i rephrased a thousand times in my head, just because i was trying to convince myself i have no rights to be mad over this.
"just frickkin reply, its not like im gonna go crazy" phrase that was replayed for a gazillion times throughout the day.
but he knows that i am gonna go crazy, i like the way he always know how i will react to things, even though he knows nothing about my life. i like the way he compares the current me to the me in form3 and tells me im still so childish. but i hate all of that too. why cant he just get to now the current me better, spend a little more time asking me about my life, something he promised he would do but never did.
I was special, she reminded you of ME. how on earth did that change inversely. i like her, i like the person you described through texts, i think i can totally get along with her. but i hate that you guys had so much more than we ever did. fuck.
FUCK.
"whats going on between you and her?"
FUCK, IF HE KNOWS THAT I STALK, HE'D KNOW THAT I KNOW HES IGNORING MY MESSAGE.
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