color 2012.

spring semester, first year architecture:

14 weeks, 3 projects : 1 down, 2 more to go!

SUMMER !! MALAYSIA!!!

HB2ME

I can't lie and say Im not expecting anything for my birthday, cos I am, but I know I shouldn't. Because people here aren't lmh or lxt or IMG. I can't expect anything from them and I am definitely not used to having to plan something for my own birthday, I've never done it. When I was young my parents planned birthday parties and made me feel special, when I hit my teens I was lucky enough to have a whole bunch of supportive and loving buddies that would surprise me with cakes and celebrated my birthday. My 18th birthday was really sweet cos my bestie LUM MAN HOUW planned a little get together with all of my friends and ex bf (very awkward haha) and brought a cake to my house and we just sat and talked until past midnight. It was so warm and cute and I felt so much love. 19th birthday, INTI gang, celebrated my birthday for almost one whole week, from the planned out surprise scene to the fancy dinner prank to the midvalley outing with the fake blow-off by my bestest bestie LXT .. It almost got a little bit tiring of thanking them for all the nice things they did for my birthday. But, I don't have any of those awesome people with me this year. And they still make efforts to cheer me up, sze woke me up with a very sweet talk box recording of her singing a bilingual birthday song to me, and the IMG buddies changing their profile pic to one of my pictures, which is a thing we do that has a funny history. And awesome kor kor whatsapped me and told me he missed me and CNY would be different without me around. Sweeeet. my papa and mama for face timing me. Wow I am blessed and I think I shouldn't be asking for any more. I have loving friends and family, that's really all I need for now (although it'll be great if I had a bf too, but whatever I would wish for more As than that if I was given a wish)

One thing bothered me though-- ex lovers should write longer birthday messages with warmer content and more hopes/wishes ahahahahhahaha a

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ;)

make it workkkk

first studio assignment -- color analysis of a painting.

first sub assignment -- color collage -- composition of color strips from old magazines.

progress: ZERO.

reminder to self -- your first assignment last sem went well, the design concept was so good but the craftmanship brought it down. you got your inspiration from the ceiling patterns of mtcc, LOOK AROUND, theres colors everywhere, you'll think of something. and theres an artist inside of you eventhough the hella artsy white people (geh) around you make you shy of showing that. MAKE IT WORRRRKKKK EVELYN WONG JING JIE.

Wtf

A freaking C ? What the fuck is wrong with her. I lost all my exam mojo during SPM. EVERY SINGLE FINAL GRADE SINCE THEN HAS BEEN LETTING ME DOWN. FML.

I can't feel shit,

I am stronger than yesterday, yes it may seem like I am one hella of a childish person for removing him from my friend list, but I do feel empowered after doing so. But whenever the thought of me being a more independent girl come into mind, I start to think that I've become a heartless person. A big part of me wants to blame him for training me into this person that can walk away from all emotionally influential shit, to be chilled about everything, to not care so much. But maybe it's me, I'm just losing hope with love, I want to blame him, but I know it's not his fault. It's all me. Maybe it has always been me. I can't feel for anyone else anymore. What I hate about you, is that you never show enough effort. And Im proud to say that I can say no now. I know what's best for me in the long run, and that is to stay away. You destroyed my ability to feel but you can't destroy my ability to choose for myself, and I choose for you stop messing with my heart. Now, run along.

emma!

pixie cuts are so prettyyyyy.

i secretly wish that i could pull the pixie cut off. but that would mean i need a ULTRA SKINNY FACE & BODY. so its not happening.

and, its not very secret anymore. hah.

damni'msolonely.

i kinda want him back. like. hes the only one that will love me for who i am. but i fucked up because i was young and stupid and i thought there is going to be more to life than to commit to a stable relationship. and now hes happy and im bitter with all the thoughts of that lucky girl could've been me if i just held on to my shitty emotions longer. i dont have a big heart, i get jealous easily. i got him in the first place by showing my jealousy. i finally felt like i needed him because i was jealous of something he had with another girl when i was away at another country for vacation. my jealousy got us together but i let things slip away because things were getting stable. i know i was the kind of girl that cant stay away from drama, and when things became nice and peaceful i got bored. so yeah, that was me. it took me so long to realize that all a girl needs is a person to always be there. i let go of that person who is the only person in the world until now who would do that for me. and i am caught in a loop with a guy that will never love me back. ungrateful? yeah, i used to think its worth the chase, but i guess im getting too old for this shit. yes i will stay away. and thank you dearest you, for letting feel loved for a brief period of time, when i think about us, i think about the cute things we through and less of the times where i was being a bitch, and sorry i was a bitch. and thank you to you too, for breaking my heart over and over again, i will stay away.

i will stay away, from both of you.

way to go, eve, you always fuck everything up. wo hen lonely la tamade.