Oppa.

I feel like an inflated balloon filled with joy and love and I feel like I want to just fly away but I know if I flew to high the pressure up in the air is going to pop me.

I wrote more on the other blog. Please make me feel real again, oppa. 

pulsee baby pulse

i dont feel alive.

too much pretense of maturity and rationality.
i dont feel alive.

..
.....
..........

i need to feel alive.

..


im sinking into a state of depression.

DECORATE.

my favorite song from last last year. i used to listen this at least 20 times a day, on loop. omg such a good song, i dont feel the heartbreak as strongly as i first heard it in 2010, the memories are pretty faded and i have so much more better things to worry about now anyway, but i still cringe a little because its such a sad sad song.
















FAVORITES:


not just because shes obviously chinese malaysian, but this is very beautiful. i love how she says that Yuna calms her down, because SPM is near. haha so comel.



2 white girls, one piano and soothing harmonies.


her voice is too mainstream pop for this song but somehow it works with the new arrangement. it almost can be a power balad lol. and i love korean americans. AHAHAHAHA or i think they are korean americans, i've seen enough to identify them.. i thinkkkk xD



i dont know why i included their races in my description, this election day thing is getting to me..

#what

http://hashtag-coolstorybro.blogspot.com/



dont ask me why do i have so many blogs. I LIKE LA DIU.

EMO 2012.

sometimes in life we do dumb things, and right now, i am rethinking the dumb things i've done. i know they say the mistakes you did yesterday shaped the person you are today. its been 2 years, no, its been almost 3 years now. heard the house mate talking on the phone with her ji mui one day and she said something that sounds very very familiar, 'i dont miss him, because i dont love him anymore, but i miss the person i was when i was with him'. i like myself alot, the person i am now. 1 year in architecture school made me realize that i can do anything, literally. the things i can never picture myself doing, i can do now. thus, i have no fear for anything (maybe except being raped and killed) and i am very very prideful. reading my prof write on my grading sheet : 'you made me believe once again there are some people who are born to do this, real architecture'. when i got the grading sheet back i couldn't believe it, i at least read it for 10 times that day. and i cried. i cried because i know now what i am capable of when i put my mind to it, i know now theres no limits to my sky, i know because i am stronger. but there is a missing piece. i found myself stalking again (thanks to facebook timeline-- the real stalking device), i pulled the timeline down to 2009, there is only 1 status you posted :  EMO. that 3 letter word look so blunt and blatant now, now that i've announced myself as a person who look down on people who post emotional facebook status. but i know why, and i dont remember if you status then made any impact on me back then, but it definitely does now. every day i think whether you know i am very sorry for what i did, eventhough you told me over and over again you dont care anymore. 

下一个他,赶快出现吧.

if you feel what i think you feel about me, dont wait around anymore! 

goodbyes are harder when you have something to stay for.

but i don't. never had.

世界是我的家.

是潇洒还是可悲?

Tonight I am free.

I am relieved. I am free now. Free of you and your apparent charm I was so drawn to. You said I haven't changed one bit, but I know I have changed too much, and I am so proud to say I no longer care if you don't have the time and to discover and understand my changes. Seeing you after 2 years is nice, talking about the things we've missed in each others lives, it was like old friends catching up. There were some awkward moments here and there and we knew that they were unavoidable, our slight pauses and effort to make conversations were awkward, but cute.

"Just the two of us, ok with ya?"

"Weren't you the one who was scared before?"

"Concerned, not scared, that you might succumb to my charms again"

"It's gonna be all awkward like last time, crab?"

"Crab is not replying me yet"

"We should just go alone"

"I'll pick you up"

(conversation abbreviated and edited of unattractive Malaysian text-lingo)

My favorite moment tonight :

You asking : "When did we stop talking this much, was it when I left for college?"

HAHA, it doesn't matter so much anymore, because we can never be best friends, but we won't be strangers.

;)