im like a bird. and i am changing flight directions.

so i have been at home for a month or so. i really do miss nilai, i mean, i miss being able to be with friends all the time, and i miss not having someone waiting for me to come home to at night (that, would be my mom usually if shes in a bad mood, but lately shes all clingy and worried all the time, my friends say its the pre-departure symdrome for mothers. haha) okay, so one month or so not having to get to classes and doing assignments and studying for tests, no club meetings or events, sounds more like no life huh. but there was some highlights, first of all, INTI makan gang a.k.a. IMG came to kuantan and crashed at my place, brought them all over kuantan. there was one time at cherating where the front tyres of my car sank into the sand, so kaen and ferng had to push th car out of the sand as i pressed the accelerator, and ferng's foot got stuck under a tyre and his foot got grounded and pressed like garlic LOL. and, our midnight truth or dare session which was absolutely FUNNY. (hengyi, if you're reading this, sorry you got dragged into our craziness although you are way back at nilai) i finally got my visa done, which is good news. i was in bangkok for a week with my family and the hui family. quality family time, which is kinda lacking for the kids in my extended paternal family, cause we dont see each other that much. spending time with my korkor was really awesome too. never really got the chance to spend time with my big brother because he is 6 years older and he kinda missed all the important years of my life because he was away at college, puchong then uk.. and everytime we get to see each other he teases me, or asks me to play some of his games on his nDS, or Wii, or PS3. LOL. other than that i am pretty much just stuck at home.








他说我驾车很漂浮, 我说, 我就是一个漂浮的女人. 现在的我只想为一个人停下来.

在那个人周遭绕了将近四年, 我要转换航线了.

genes speak louder.

i know where i got my ego from, the word ego, turns into stubborn, if you interpret it differently. and i know that whether i accept it or not, i am going to be more and more like her each day. the good and bad qualities about her, some things that she did that i completely disagreed, yet truly believe that if i were to be in her position i would do the same thing. her bossiness, her ego and her toughness. i want to be like her, but i dont want to be exactly like her. i get so annoyed with things she does, but i know i am as bossy and as egoistic like her.


working on an essay.

woohoo testing testing. I am a walking blogger ohyeah. there used to be this cool term called live-blogging celeb bloggers are hired to blog on the spot during an event. now I can do it too. wahahhahaha jiwangwangjiwanggg.

will blog sooooon.

BYE INTI. thank yous to the people who've helped me become who i am at inti. will blog soon. exhausted, havent slept for more than 3 hours in 2 days. finals was draining, but its over. need to pack up, perhentian tonight! ;D

just one thing,

hey youu miss ah ho, you think you know SABS more than i do? you dont, so stop acting like i dont know my own school, i know all the ways to skip class and avoid the cameras so i am better than you. (hahhahaha bitchy high school girl taking over me) i have been bringing my phone to school every single day since form2, it was never about the rules, its really just about not getting caught. you teachers can NEVER outsmart a true sabs-ian, dont brainwash my juniors into following the school rules please. (hahahhaha, i apologize for my bitchiness but that miss ah ho bullied me back in form 4 so i kinda hate her until now)

INTIANS. yo. ;)

about leaving.

2 more weeks left in INTI. the thing i do best when i cannot deal with stuff, shut them out from my head. i have literally lived by the phrase "ignorance is bliss" when it comes to things i cannot handle. i push them so far back until sometimes, i forget it ever existed until reality hits and i am forced to rummage thru all the junk i have been shutting away, find that one precious thought, analyse it finally and conclude my feelings for it. well, its the same about leaving. i have been acting so cool about leaving because i dont wanna deal with my real emotions on this. i know i wont be able to pull through. but i must, i must leave. i walk very slow now in school. because i wanna breathe the INTIan air for a longer time. trying to remember all the things we did in each corner of the campus.

how on earth did ONE YEAR go by so quickly.

how the hell did i develop this passion for school.

shit why didnt i blog about every single detail of everyday about my life here. everyday has been awesome. someday when my memories are blurred and i need something to refer to when im reminiscing, where am i gonna find all that. shit shit shit.

..

forget it. i still cant deal with this.

the inconvenient truth//

thoughts. blogging in the dark cos my roommie wanted to sleep. watched a movie in the dark as well. Esay A is an awesome movie. nope im not saying that because i like chick flicks more than any other movie genre, its because it really is. theres a fairly important message that is carries, and it was altogether entertaining, and not to mention Penn Badgley was exceptionally hot in it, bare chest and his skin was a lil more tanned than when on GG. hahaha.

i had this really .... (insert adjective here) dream last night. i woke up feeling really bitter, and i missed you so badly. but i guess we just gotta wake up from dreams sometimes huh. i thought of all the things you said. and yeah it made so much sense to me now, although i had a hard time trying to convince myself its the inconvenient truth and i just gotta accept it sooner or later. we're not gonna happen.

i had these super wild thoughts. of seduction and mutual attraction and the pleasure of mutual presence. not gonna go into too much details. but. i'd die for a chance to prove all my fantasies wrong, if i had the capability to do so. which i have little faith on. you never occurred to me as a boy that was just one of the countless paperclips out there. a normal magnet couldnt get you. what can i do to decipher you. why are you such a puzzle. dying for a chance to be prove wrong, dying for a chance to finally tell myself,
"oh hes not all that."

about my heart, yeah its still bitter and its still shut. im desperate for a maxim. im desperate for a direction. im desperate to see or hear anything about you that would disgust me, im desperate to have the perfect image of you in my head shattered.

xcuses.

something funny from yesterday that made me smile.

was texting the ex, and he said,

"suan liao la, he dont have to come out with so many excuses if he wanted it from early"

haha so truee.