the inconvenient truth//

thoughts. blogging in the dark cos my roommie wanted to sleep. watched a movie in the dark as well. Esay A is an awesome movie. nope im not saying that because i like chick flicks more than any other movie genre, its because it really is. theres a fairly important message that is carries, and it was altogether entertaining, and not to mention Penn Badgley was exceptionally hot in it, bare chest and his skin was a lil more tanned than when on GG. hahaha.

i had this really .... (insert adjective here) dream last night. i woke up feeling really bitter, and i missed you so badly. but i guess we just gotta wake up from dreams sometimes huh. i thought of all the things you said. and yeah it made so much sense to me now, although i had a hard time trying to convince myself its the inconvenient truth and i just gotta accept it sooner or later. we're not gonna happen.

i had these super wild thoughts. of seduction and mutual attraction and the pleasure of mutual presence. not gonna go into too much details. but. i'd die for a chance to prove all my fantasies wrong, if i had the capability to do so. which i have little faith on. you never occurred to me as a boy that was just one of the countless paperclips out there. a normal magnet couldnt get you. what can i do to decipher you. why are you such a puzzle. dying for a chance to be prove wrong, dying for a chance to finally tell myself,
"oh hes not all that."

about my heart, yeah its still bitter and its still shut. im desperate for a maxim. im desperate for a direction. im desperate to see or hear anything about you that would disgust me, im desperate to have the perfect image of you in my head shattered.