你太猖狂.

and so he said : you dont really like me, its just your stupid hormones, how can you like me when you dont even see me?

and so i said : so what if liking you is about my stupid hormones.

and he said : no spark.

and then he tries to joke the whole issue over.

and so i said :

你太猖狂

我以為痛苦可以分散
於是我忙到不能再忙

monday.
i stayed up til 2am, arranged a meet-up with kenny, woke up at 7:30 on monday, but my eyes were too swollen and red to go out so kenny had to wait for me til 8:30. hes such a sweet guy for guiding me through every single detail of the application for my college transcripts, walking with me upstairs and down for a few rounds just to get it done. luckily kenny was a natural talker, he did all the talking and i pretended to be interested. finally got it done, then waited for music class which was at 10am with kenny at ricoh centre. i was aye-okay, smiling and laughing to kenny's lame jokes. until i bumped into xt on my way to music class. she asked what happened, i couldnt get into the details, it was too soon, i would burst into tears on the spot. so i summarized : confessed, he said no spark. pulled a smiley face and walk faster telling her im rushing for class.

music class. miss lee was very funny so i was fine for abit. after class, ate with the A levels gang, planning for kharmen's birthday surprise worked perfectly as a distraction. i laughed hard when eexuen accidentally sent the text telling everyone about the surprise plan to kharmen. it was funny, i laughed until i was bitter. shopped for application stuff.. envelopes and such.

2pm. did arts and craft for gathering night's soft board. awesome distraction. went for econs class at 6pm.

skipped dinner and made everybody worried. i went back to bathe, thats all.

8pm, adventure gathering night meeting. didnt engage too much in the discussing, kept my head down reading my philosophy text. until i told bert. bert kept saying "its okay", emo-ed.

10pm, pulled on smiley face again to test the games we're playing for AUP's gathering night. laughed until it was bitter again.

11pm, went to celebrate kharmen's birthday. firecrackers! made up a story involving ghosts and such to scare her. drank eway's cider and got emo.

1am, went back, continued reading philosophy text. but it was too quiet i kept drifting off thinking about you.

2am. slept.

思念太猖狂 一個冷不防
一想起你 忙碌的生活變得空蕩蕩

tuesday.

8am philosophy class. almost fell asleep until a question was threw at me. kept pinching myself, it hurt, but it didnt keep me awake. borges was clearly unhappy with me.

10am, came back and slept for an hour. 避而不想, i kept telling myself, if i block the thoughts out im not gonna feel anything. at this time, being emotionless is the best way, i cant break down now, i have two events this week.

12pm, history class. was fine. blocked everything out. think and feel nothing was the aim. whatsapp-ed with bert and mayjean. printed some application materials until my ricoh account was barred, wanted to top-up my ricoh credit but i only had rm3 with me, felt like shit.

2:30 - 6:00 pm, cleaned the room, wiped the windows, everything was soo dusty, had to sweep thrice. did the laundry. tired like a bitch.

6pm, set up for gathering night.

我以為工作能夠療傷
甚至恨不得病倒再算

11pm, back. i think i have a fever, dehydration i guess.

i am still trying to think and feel nothing related to this whole shit.

對世界說謊 只把自己哄騙得更慘

"im okay. im really okay"

ON ZEN MODE.

偉大的你還想我怎樣